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Modern Love

  • Mike the Homosapien

    MIKE INVESTIGATES: HOW LONG SHOULD AN ANIMAL MASTURBATE?

    An inquiry into self-love, zoological privacy, and the uncomfortable things [...]

    October 4, 2026
  • Penelope the Owl

    The Origin Story: Murder, Bureaucracy, and Branding

    By Penelope the Owl Penelope cleared her throat, which for [...]

    February 13, 2026
  • Penelope the Owl

    Merkins Are Now High Fashion

    Or How Fashion Finally Lost Its Last Marble While Rome [...]

    November 1, 2025
  • Penelope the Owl

    Terms and Conditions for Dating an Owl

    By Penelope the Owl They tell me I should put [...]

    July 23, 2025
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