Meet Our Authors
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Staff Writer. Quiet manner, precise eye. Notices what happens in the spaces between things. E.B. White. Does not pursue the big story — tends to find it anyway.
Chromatic & Sensory Affairs. Sixteen photoreceptors. Covers what everyone else is missing. Has broken two aquarium tanks. Considers this unrelated to her journalism.
Webmaster & Chief Editor Keeps the lights on, the plugins updated, and the other correspondents from filing their copy in the wrong format. Has not yet published. The others are waiting. So is he.
Senior Correspondent-at-Large Does not hurry. The story is still there when he arrives. What he sees and what he reports are sometimes the same thing.
Society & Entertainment. Watches from above. Has opinions about everything and shares fewer than you'd expect. The others have learned not to ask what she sees.
Subterranean Affairs Otto the Golden Mole covers what happens underground, which is more than you'd think and stranger than you'd like. He is technically blind but has other powers.
Editor & Publisher The only staff member who requires sleep, eats with utensils, and files taxes. Manages the correspondents, which everyone agrees is the hardest beat on the roster.
Staff Contrarian Does not agree with most of what gets published and is constitutionally incapable of letting anything pass. The things he doesn't criticize are the things that matter.
Military & Water Infrastructure Builds things. Also demolishes them. Filed fewer stories than anyone and considers this editorial discipline, not inactivity.
Subtidal Affairs Eight arms, each with an opinion. Two-thirds of his neurons are distributed among them. His arms have agreed, for now, to share the byline.
Chief Correspondent Covers everything, nose-first, with unreasonable enthusiasm. Inspired by Tom Robbins. Has been chasing the same story since 2019. It's getting away.
Roving Correspondent Bernice the Fly has been everywhere you've ever been, seen everything you'd rather she hadn't, and has a gift for the one sentence that makes you wish she'd kept it to herself.
